We often think that our identity comes from our profession, hobbies, beliefs or maybe from the role in relation to others.
I had a strong identity as a business/team coach and as a circus aerialist. Those were the first things I would mention when people asked what I did.
Then my accident happened, I broke my neck, which caused paralysis on my left side and a loss of sensation on the right side. Now I had a new identity, I was a patient. For the three months spend in hospital I was happy to be a patient. I had clear schedule, when to eat and when to do physio. Between hospital stuff I could have people over, plan when to read and record my audio diaries. At hospital you are also surrounded by people who have experienced similar accidents and being able to share the recovery process with someone was so important.
After I got out, I was still wearing a ‘recovery hat’ for a few months as I had regular physio sessions and appointments with the doctor. My body was working much better, I was able to walk normally and my left arm was improving all the time. That caused me to move to the next stage with my identity.
So who am I now? I am not working, I cannot do aerial and I am not a patient anymore. I have no schedule or things to do, but staying the whole day in bed just makes it worse…
“He who has a WHY to live can bear with almost any HOW.” – Viktor E. Frankl
I was a bit lost, I wanted to have a meaning again, a purpose to push me forward. But I was afraid as well. Would I be able to work already? I still had days when I was very tired. Maybe if I would find a part time job, that could work. Despite everything, I felt I was lucky, as I had two big passions, education and circus. I would not be able to do circus related activities for a while, but to work in education I mostly need my head and that’s one of the things my injury did not damage.
That’s when my job hunt started. I searched for many kind of jobs, but it was still important for me that I could do something that felt meaningful and would allow me to grow professionally.
Soon I found this part time business and entrepreneurship teacher job where I would work with international students. I got really excited as that sounded amazing. The application deadline was in the next day, so I had to get on with it. Soon I was invited to the interview, which went well and soon after that I got the job. I felt so lucky. I would be creating and leading a new entrepreneurship module for Asian graduate diploma students and teaching business for foundation students. I would also work only three days a week, which would give me flexibility and time to work on other projects on the side. A perfect match for my situation.
I couldn’t have wished for anything better, as this gave me a purpose again. Enough direction to push me forward and to allow me to recover not just physically, but mentally too. It really pointed out how important it is to work and do something meaningful.
“There are three main avenues on which one arrives at meaning in life. The first is by creating a work or by doing a deed. The second is by experiencing something or encountering someone; in other words, meaning can be found not only in work but also in love. Most important, however, is the third avenue to meaning in life: even helpless victim of a hopeless situation facing a fate he cannot change, may rise above himself. He may turn personal tragedy into a triumph.” – Viktor E. Frankl
I remember when I fell and I couldn’t feel my body at all, first thought that came to my mind was “thank god my head is ok”. Which is very weird, that even in these kind of situations your brain allows you to see the sunny side. And when I started gaining some feeling and movement I was even more over the moon and I knew I would be fine. That really taught me to be grateful for the things you have and not to worry about the things you don’t have. It also showed me how you can choose how to react to any kind of situation and I hope that teaching will be with me forever.
* Quotations are from a book called ‘Man’s Search For Meaning – The classic tribute to hope from the Holocaust’. The book is written by Viktor E. Frankl.
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